Transitions and routine with PDA
Beginnings, endings and moving from one task to another can be difficult for PDAers. If this is something you or your PDA child experience, you are not alone. This page looks at why these moments can be hard and suggests approaches which can help make daily life smoother.
“Sometimes what seems like the long way round is the only way round.” Lucy*
Why are transitions difficult?
Many PDAers need predictability and control in their lives. Changes, even small ones, can feel overwhelming or like a loss of independence. It’s common to struggle with things like:
Unexpected changes in routine.
- Feeling unprepared or uncertain about what comes next.
- Having personal rituals that must be completed to feel secure.
- Uncomfortable emotions when stopping or starting activities.
Approaches to help with transitions
Allowing personal routines
Many PDAers prefer flexible routines, but often only if they’ve chosen them. If someone has a specific way of getting out of the car, for example, allow space for it rather than trying to force them to change it, even if it seems slow or complicated.
Working together
Instead of giving direct instructions, engage in activities together and gently bring them to a close. This can help transitions feel cooperative rather than enforced.
Providing transition warnings
Rather than abruptly stopping something, prepare the person for it ending. For example, if a friend is leaving, ask them to give a 10-minute warning to help ease the change in situation when it happens.
Being flexible with time management
Timers can be helpful, but only if the PDAer controls them. Instead of setting a timer that dictates an end, let them set their own. They might choose more than one timer to gradually let some of the pressure off and reduce anxiety. For some PDAers this helps monitor time passing and is useful. For others an alarm may create a new demand and make things worse.
Allowing plenty of time and keeping relaxed is usually the most important thing to
consider in reducing anxiety and the pressure around tasks.
Thinking about emotional preparation
Giving people time to mentally and emotionally prepare for difficult transitions is a good idea. Having a comfort item or a small ritual, like checking through belongings before leaving, can provide a sense of stability and routine and reduce stress.
Some bigger transitions, like moving home or schools, or preparing for the potential loss of a pet, may need weeks or even months of preparation and talking together.
Explaining the ‘why’ of transitions
Understanding why you need to do something might really help a PDAer prepare for it to happen. Involving everyone is also important. Ask what helps when transitions happen, or ask how people would like to do it, or what makes it feel better when they do.
Things that might not work
Timers can be helpful, but only if the PDAer controls them. Instead of setting a timer that dictates an end, let them set their own. They might choose more than one timer to gradually let some of the pressure off and reduce anxiety. For some PDAers this helps monitor time passing and is useful. For others an alarm may create a new demand and make things worse.
Allowing plenty of time and keeping relaxed is usually the most important thing to
consider in reducing anxiety and the pressure around tasks.
Thinking about emotional preparation
Giving people time to mentally and emotionally prepare for difficult transitions is a good idea. Having a comfort item or a small ritual, like checking through belongings before leaving, can provide a sense of stability and routine and reduce stress.
Some bigger transitions, like moving home or schools, or preparing for the potential loss of a pet, may need weeks or even months of preparation and talking together.
Explaining the ‘why’ of transitions
Understanding why you need to do something might really help a PDAer prepare for it to happen. Involving everyone is also important. Ask what helps when transitions happen, or ask how people would like to do it, or what makes it feel better when they do.
Things that might not work
While some approaches help PDAers with transitions, others can increase anxiety and resistance. Everyone is unique. Some common approaches that PDAers say they often dislike include:
Visual timetables
Although widely recommended for neurodivergent individuals, visual timetables can feel like yet another demand for PDAers. The expectation to follow a set schedule can create pressure and resistance rather than being comforting.
Social stories
These are another tool commonly used to help neurodivergent children, but they can raise anxiety levels for PDAers. By telling them what will happen, when, where and how, they create an entire story of demands which can be very triggering.
Countdown timers set by others
A countdown timer that forces an end to an activity that someone else sets takes away control, which can be frustrating and increase anxiety. You could try agreeing a time together and letting them set their own timers, but only if they find them useful.
Sudden or forced transitions
Being abruptly told to stop an activity or move on to something new without warning can trigger anxiety. Try and give people time to process the change and ease into it wherever possible.
Reward systems
Reward charts, token systems, or other similar motivational systems can feel demanding to PDAers. By rewarding behaviour, you are signaling that this is what you expect next time. This can feel like a big pressure which goes against the deep need for autonomy.
Indirect praise can be a more effective way to offer positive feedback. For example, you could try telling someone else about how amazing they are when they can overhear you.
Transitions can be tricky to manage even with different approaches in place to help, and that’s ok. Taking your time and being understanding of yourself and the PDA person in your life when they are dealing with transitions is key to lowering the stress in these situations.